My 11 year relationship with my fiancé has ended.
Together we built a mega house on a lake as a retirement home. She couldn't finance a coffee pot because of her bad credit rating. As a 44-year-old employee who is now retired, I was able to buy whatever I wanted with my loan.
She inherited $ 1 million after her mother's death nine years after our relationship. Since we wanted to get married (or so I thought), we only made all transactions in my name. In two years she paid $ 437,000 on the mortgage. I also contributed.
I was asked to leave after the house was completed and tried in vain to resolve our business differences. I asked for $ 7,600 for some things I wanted a refund for and she refused.
A few days after I left our house, I received a letter of resignation from her lawyer asking me to sign. I refused and also hired a lawyer to take care of our asset allocation. These transactions all took place in the state of Tennessee.
I checked my fiancée and found that she was an absolute cheat and liar. I've tried to be more than fair to this woman, but because she wasn't the person she was all along, I'm more than angry.
After moving out and doing a forensic background check and check, I found that she said she was married to a prominent businessman, but it didn't. I found that her actual husband was a "nobody," probably similar to me.
I also found that the land thereby sold and on which she received her inheritance was less than 80 acres – not 1,500 acres. She lied about her age and college education, had multiple lawsuits, and was over $ 30,000 behind with the IRS.
She knows my friends
She has several friends on Facebook that I have never heard of. What bothers me most is that she knows people whom I introduced her to through my friends at our lake house, including my oldest friend.
So I hesitate to sign the documents. Our attorneys have been penning a few letters back and forth, but it appears that a lawsuit needs to be filed to settle the matter. Could you and your audience please share your views with me?
I am now looking for half of the property's appraisal. This could have been resolved for $ 7,600 if she agreed. Well, because of her greed and selfishness, I think she needs to be taught a lesson and brought down.
My lawyers are filing an application for property division.
How do you feel about this situation?
You can email The Moneyist with financial and ethical issues related to the coronavirus to email@example.com and follow Quentin Fottrell on Twitter.
First, a warning: a court will consider each party's contributions. You don't say what you contributed, but if your ex-girlfriend had the income to pay for the lion's share of the contributions, don't rely on your high credit score to give the court leverage to split the property 50/50.
"Courts will examine what is fair for each party, and especially in a division action, courts will examine how much each co-owner has contributed in terms of a down payment, mortgage payments, taxes, rent received, and other resources or services rendered," according to the Rabinovich Sokolov Law Group.
We spend a lifetime understanding our own motivations and personalities; How can we really know what is going on in the minds of others? Painting someone as a villain is not helpful. People are known to be unpredictable. We trust them – and they trust us – and sometimes everyone is disappointed.
Trolling your Facebook and brooding over their photos will only make you angrier. You may want to feel that anger and these updates will help you channel it quickly and satisfactorily. But after a while it becomes toxic – to you. Focusing on bringing down other people is a self-destructive and unhealthy way of life. Instead, bring yourself up.
Last way out
It's time to move on to the next stage of grief: accept that you are better off without this woman and hope that you can move on in selling this property – and if your name is on the deed, part it 50 / 50. Your lawyer will advise you on the partition, a sobering and logical next step for you.
"Apportionment suits are a unique option as a last resort in a resolution matter," says the Artemis Family Law Group. "If property belongs to more than one person and the co-owners cannot decide what to do with the property together, one of the owners can file an action for division with the court."
"The court has the power to order the property to be sold at public auction, but the parties can agree to a private sale," the law firm added. “However, a public auction can be a very risky option as there is no guarantee that the home will be sold for any amount. It is only sold to the highest bidder, regardless of this amount. "
However, Artemis advises that a public auction will limit your options. “It is only sold to the highest bidder, regardless of this amount. In addition, all liens or mortgages on the property must be satisfied with the proceeds from the sale before this money can be divided among the co-owners. "
According to you, your ex-fiancé contributed more to the mortgage repayments. Regardless of whether it does or not, the divisional lawsuit will resolve the case and the judge will rule on it. You will be forced to accept the result and the price you will receive for the lake house at the auction.
Past, present and future
The bigger challenge comes later. You need to stop trying to control the past (your fiancee's lies or misrepresentations), the present (their friendships with your friends and ex-friends), and the future. Block them on Facebook
Your life will soon be none of your business. That will be the greatest reward of all.
They say your former fiancée had terrible credit and shared terrific stories from her own past. Did they impress or entice you? What lessons can you learn from this experience? I really believe that we continue to endure the pain from certain experiences or relationships because we haven't learned the lessons from them.
Think about which red flags – there are always red flags – that you might have overlooked, and wonder where and why you might have let down your vigilance. Once you've done your part, move on with your life once that's done and dusted off. Otherwise you still live with your former fiancé in this house on the lake.
By emailing your questions, you consent to their being posted anonymously on MarketWatch. By submitting your story to Dow Jones & Company, the publisher of MarketWatch, you agree that we may use your story or versions of it in all media and platforms, including through third parties.
Check out Moneyist's private Facebook Group in which we look for answers to life's thorniest money problems. Readers write to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Ask your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or take part in the latest Moneyist columns.
The moneyist regrets not being able to answer questions one by one.
More from Quentin Fottrell:
• “I just don't trust my sister”: How do I give money to my nieces without their mother having access to it?
• We're getting married and having a baby on the way. My wife offered to pay off my $ 10,000 student debt and $ 7,500 car loan
• I have three children. I left my house to my most responsible son. Now he's blocked my calls
• My brother-in-law died, leaving his house in chaos. His landlord wants me to repaint and replace the carpet. What should we do?